I know from my message box that some of you are upset with me for going on this massive hiatus. Especially after completing that dreaded question from 50 Questions That Will Free Your Mind. I can reassure you that my disappearance has little to do with my last post! I’ve literally been way too busy to find any small amount of time to write anything interesting. If there has been an opportunity to write I just haven’t cared enough to write. My creative edge has hit a stand still since I’m back at university and all. No time to read, write, colour or dream — I know, it’s a sad life I live at the moment. I’ve been convincing myself that I can go on with this type of lifestyle for another year and a half (Finishing school April 2014, hopefully!) I’m going to try and get back into actually posting on here again. I think I might dedicate myself to finishing the 50 Questions, do a book review possibly and participate in some sort of a photo-a-day challenge.
13. Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?
I can honestly say that I was holding on to the broken rollercoaster of my past relationship. It ended almost 2 years ago but I found it hard to move on from it. The break up itself was hard to face considering I felt it should’ve happened years before. My own insecurities and young age held the safety net beneathe me for a long time. I didn’t want to write about it in my blog but when I skimmed the 50 questions a while back I knew when it came to this question that I would have to face the inevitable.
Only within the last year have I come to terms with the past. I stumbled upon a whole creepy folder of love letters in my email. I knew it was time, and this would be the last tear of the band-aid, so to speak. I went through a few and read them laughing at the puppy love streamed across my computer screen. Of course, it’s always nice to read romanticized opinions of yourself but really a person can only take so much. Eventually I got to the fifth or sixth email and decided to shut the door entirely by mass deleting the folder.
Letting go of this piece of me has allowed me to grow as a person. I used to look at it as a burden and a disappointment of sorts but I can truly say I’m grateful for it happening this way. If you asked me 5 years ago where I thought I’d be 5 years from then I would’ve painted this fantasized monumental idea of a perfect life. Since the ties have been severed I’ve been able to challenge myself in ways never thought imaginable before. I may sound selfish but I’ve been able to focus on me and what I want out of life. Being able to laugh, have fun with friends and simply experience everything that comes my way is absolutely what I deserve.
12. What is the difference between being alive and truly living?
Being alive is having a heart beat and air in your lungs. Truly living is the capability of actually living a life while being alive. Truly living requires you to actually take action and DOING something with your life. Being alive is having an active heart beat but it doesn’t necessarily have to be fully functioning. You always hear people saying, ‘I want to live my life’. When I hear those words, the word LIVE stands out to me. I associate ‘live my life’ with control and determination. Making things happen and actually steering the car in the right direction.
Are you truly living your life? What do you think?
11. Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset? Does it really matter now?
5 years ago would make me 18.. I can’t pick an exact moment because I’m sure my melodramatic 18 year old self was probably upset about everything back then. I’d like to blame listening to too much emo music as the problem. If you really think about it we spend a lot of our lives concerned over trivial things. Like I said I was probably crying over spilt milk or upset with a boyfriend. I can tell you now that it doesn’t really matter. Unless its a monumental, life changing moment it doesn’t really matter now. Sometimes we need to step back from an upsetting situation to really think if this REALLY is something to be upset about. Will it matter tomorrow, a week, a month, a year or even 5 years from now?
10. Decisions are being made right now. The question is: Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you?
I think given some circumstances I’ve faced I’ve been able to take more control over my life. I think I’ve done a whole lot of growing up in the past 2-3 years which has allowed me to become more independent. I used to let everyone else make decisions for me because I was convinced it would be easier to follow the leader. Unfortunately, I’m not a very good follower or in my case bad at giving up the lead role. Now I am the absolute leader of my own life. I take pride in the decisions I make and never look back..
9. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?
I think a lot of people take for granted what they get from life. Think of all the opportunities and chances we are given but people merely throw them away thinking they’ll have another shot at it. I think creating my Day Zero Project has allowed me to try to do things I wouldn’t normally do without setting some type of goal. I could’ve just sat back and said I would do this or that but actually having an end point has helped me gradually complete things on the list. Deep down I believe that people are scared of change. We get comfortable in living a certain way for so long that we don’t want to rearrange how things have ‘always been’. It easier to tread lightly and not take a dive into strange waters. This is why we probably see friends stay in loveless relationships or never leave that job that makes them miserable. As much as we don’t like certain things, we love them at the same time since they allow us to live comfortably in a repetitive cycle. We get caught in living in dreams and are too scared to act on them.
We’re all victims to this though. Can you think of a time where you fell victim to this vicious cycle? How did you break it?
8. Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you?
We’ve all had friends that have come and gone for various reasons. I tried thinking for a while which would hurt more, a good friend moving away or losing touch with a good friend that lives close by. Instead of just thinking about the question I decided to think of personal experiences where I’ve had both scenerio’s happen to me. I think losing touch with a close friend who lives right near you is worse. Just think about it, if someone moves away depending on the distance you might not be able to see that person as much as you would like to. This may result in growing apart which is natural. As much as it might hurt at first when they move away, you can at least blame the distance. Losing touch with a person who lives near you could happen for many reasons but it’s probably mostly due to laziness (this has totally happened to me..)
7. Do you push the elevator button more than once? Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster?
I do press the elevator button more than once not because I still believe in this ridiculous idea but because I’m impatient or in a rush. I actually live in an apartment building and for the longest while I truly thought this myth was true. The only reason why I thought it would make it come faster was that when I would jab at the button 3, 4, 5, 6 times, it would come. I’m sure it was already on its way to my floor, so when it would open right after pressing it for the bajillionth time, OF COURSE I thought it was my jedi powers working overtime.
Now, I don’t believe that it will change the speed of the elevator arriving but I do still jab my finger on the button a dozen times while waiting. Deep down I’m still hoping that my jedi powers will come through.
Do you like to press the elevator buttons? What about the crosswalk buttons?
6. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?
I would do absolutely everything differently. I am probably one of the most self-conscious people ever. If I’m not resisting doing something wacky or outgoing, I’m either doubting myself and wondering what others are thinking. Sometimes I feel guilty and get consumed with wanting answers to questions once the downward spiral begins. I only feel completely comfortable if I have the approval of those I’m ‘performing’ for. I’m pretty sure I would feel much more at ease if I felt no judgement from others.
Are you self-conscious? What would you do if no one was judging you?
5. If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?
I’m pretty sure society would live their life differently if they knew the exact date of when they would die. I think there might be a more rigorous “plan” for all of us to follow. For instance, when you go to school, find a permanant work, marriage and children. You would feel as if you have only a certain time frame to complete life tasks. I know I would live my life differently if I found out tomorrow that I would expire in 17 years. I would probably quit school, do a load of travelling and focus on having more fun. Also, we should keep in mind that how would we actually know that we will die out at 40? I don’t think a lot of people would believe in it. But, if it was something scientifically proven I’m sure everyone would live their life way differently. I read a book recently called Wither by Lauren DeStefano. It has a concept like this, where men die at 25 and women die at 21 because of a genetic mutation created by scientists.
How would you live your life if you knew when you would expire indefinitely?